The answer to this question may shock you as we like to think we are in complete control of our lives. This is far from the truth. Even if you estimate that you are in control half of the time you still aren’t close. The subconscious doesn’t control 100% of our behaviors but it is close to that. The conscious mind may make the choice to eat a snack, but where did the craving come from in the first place? How much influence did the subconscious have over the choice of what is eaten, especially if it’s something you eat often?
You’re not alone if you thought you were in control of your decisions and behaviors. I thought this for the longest time because as a child I ignored the uncomfortable triggers that would pop up and eventually shut down. I wasn’t aware of it at the time but I had a fear of being seen that was dominating my behavior in ways I couldn’t imagine. I would hide behind trees while walking to school if I saw a car coming my way. At the time it felt like a game because it came with a rush of adrenaline. Whenever I had to present in front of a class or at work I would have major anxiety as the dreaded event got closer.
There were more fears and programs hidden in my subconscious than just this one. My inability to cope with them all led to severe depression and a myriad of unhealthy choices.
Once I accepted my mind was out of my control I started to search for answers. Therapy was the first place I was guided to go after talking with a doctor. It seemed to help at first, but that didn’t last long. Eventually I ended up being referred to a psychiatrist and prescribed medication. This also brought some relief when I first started taking them, but after time the effects wore off. When I tried a new medicine, the side effects were life threatening which made me swear off pharma at that point.
I knew there had to be answers so I kept looking, hoping to find anything that could help me escape this miserable life. I read books, bought courses, and did affirmations. These met with the same results, temporary relief but things kept getting worse.
Through all of this searching I still hadn’t become aware of the role the subconscious had played in my experiences. Yet, it was always there, pulling the strings of the choices I would make again and again. I found success in sales jobs working for others, but never felt fulfilled in these roles in spite of making substantial commissions in my twenties. I knew I had a much larger purpose to serve mankind than selling lightbulbs or mortgages for a large corporation.
I tried to start my own business multiple times. Each time I would have a lot of fire and passion and put a lot of energy and work into creating the structure of the business. Then, when it came time to introduce myself to the world I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t aware of the fear of being seen that kept me focused on tasks that would hide me.
It was frustrating to say the least. My passion kept driving me while my fears kept pushing me in the opposite direction. It felt like falling into a canyon after trying to walk a tightrope across it. Consciously I was afraid of failing, and inevitably it would happen. The fear of being seen would always knock me off the rope.
The passion never left, but the fear made it more difficult to start something new each time. I still kept going and trying. It took me hitting a rock bottom to start making actual changes. It was slow at first, but each breakthrough would lead to another.
I observed the habits that I had and changed them one by one from unhealthy choices to healthy ones. I quit eating fast foods and opted for juice fasting and eating fresh whole foods. I sobered up from years of alcohol abuse and took in more water throughout the day.
The habits helped me to improve my physical health. The depression and anxiety I endured lessened throughout the process too. The fears, though, had still not been addressed. It turns out all of the habits I changed just became the new addictions. I found escape in alternative healing. This attracted people to me with many of the same subconscious fears and none of us knew they were even there. Yes, I was being seen by a small amount of people, but far from living the purpose I came here to fulfill.
Then I raised my awareness to the power of my subconscious mind. I discovered that it is the action taker part of the mind. The subconscious stores all the experiences we had, including the thoughts, emotions, and what our senses register in each moment. It uses the emotions to trigger a behavior. From a conscious thought perspective it might seem silly to cause an anxiety attack, but it has been programmed to protect you from something it was told is much worse.
Most of this programming happens before the age of 7, so if you are looking for the root cause you will likely find it in childhood or in the womb. My example of being afraid of being seen actually formed while I was still in my mother’s tummy. She got pregnant at the age of 13 and she hid me for as long as she could. She felt shame, guilt, and was afraid I’d be taken from her during the pregnancy. This is where I found the root cause to my fear of being seen. Everything she felt went into my subconscious and it drove my entire life up until the point that I did the inner work to change it.
There is still work for me to do, but I am comfortable shining my light to the world and well on my way to fulfilling my purpose. It is really a blessing to have the awareness to identify and let go of these subconscious programs. I am grateful to the people in my life that have helped with guidance and support. I would not have been able to do it without others and as you can imagine that was a difficult lesson to learn when I was afraid of everyone.
I share my story with the hope that it helps you see the power of your subconscious mind. If you feel stuck in the same pattern over and over, there are answers and help for you. All you have to do is ask.
With Gratitude and All My Love,
Arcturus
